I don't remember

I was trying to confirm what had happened in the past. I mean between me and him. I really need a confirmation. How did I forgot? Why didn't I wrote anything? He just seems to disappear.
When I read back my diary, I found out that I seems to have lost part of the memories. I dn get it. Did my hypnotize really work on myself? that's outrageous. Lolz, no one will believe this. I can't believe it myself either. It just seems so wrong. I only can remember a fragment of it. I give back him the items. I stop calling him. I stop talking to him. But there must be a reason, right?
I stop writing about him about the month of June. What had happened? I thought I stop doing such things is after he officially told me he like me. But... It wasn't. I still keep on writing about him and there's nothing weird about that. So when? June? July? When?!
What did he really do? What did I really do?
What is the reason behind all this thing???

By the way, up until now, I wasn't have enough courage to read back what I has written in my diary because I was to afraid to uncover the truth in my past. Since I've forgotten most of the memories in the past, I thought that must be good thing. There must be a good reason why I forgot. Today, it was my first time after 4 years in SMKSS to read back. To have confirmation. Because.... I think I'm ready since I couldn't be more miserable than this. So why not find out? But it goes vain since I did not write anything about that incident. Kitkat doesn't seems to mind after that incident (that was I wrote but I'm not sure). I still friend with the others so... What really happened? He didn't disappear into thin air but why did I stop writing? Haiz...
What I'm really sure is, he did angry at me. He's mad about something and he didn't tell anyone about it. So if I really want to uncover the truth I need to get it straight from his mouth. But that is surely impossible... Haiz...