He doesn't gets it

If he gets it, he shouldn't be emoing...
I don't understand myself...
I know that once I've spoken, I couldn't take it back.
And I also know that he will act such way.
But "wa betahan liao"!!! >_<"

Is it really mine or his fault???
I really don't know...
But I hope he change in a way, even though I know I shouldn't be making such wishes...

Being in a relationship requires more that just physical touch like kisses or hugs... Or physical contact like dating in a specific time and date...
I don't need that... I mean I want something else?
As in... Something sweet?

The way to show ones care are not limited with just words or hugs or gifts...
But... It's the initiative?
I don't quite know how to to explain...
But there's something that make me envy about my friends when they coupling?
That "something" is not quite there in my current relationship...
I know we can't do much in school... I know we shouldn't even show that we are a couple at school but... But... But... Haiz...

When I'm emo... I want someone to notice it especially him...
And I hope that when he notice it... He should do something about it?
I don't expect him to hug me in the class... But... Shouldn't he think of the alternative way to show his care?
Haiz...

I'm afraid of what my brother said will become a reality...
Honestly... Yea... I know... We don't look like couple much...
We are not sweet at all... We can't make other jealous of our relationship...
We don't talk much... We don't spend time together much...
In fact... In school, we look like total stranger to each other...
Yea.. Yea... I know... I know... But still... I will be the one that take the initiative?
And I'm kinda fed up with my role of being the active one?
Haiz...

Everyone which include my friends, other class, even my brother...
Say that it don't feels like I have a boyfriend of my own...
But... More like an extra companion to sms with...
Haiz...

I know I shouldn't be spouting nonsense to him...
I know this isn't entirely his fault...
I also know that I shouldn't be that sensitive and inconsiderate but...
Sometimes... He is really indifferent about that "something"...
Now... Even if I told him... I don't think he gets what I mean and what I want...
Haiz...

Blaming him doesn't make me feel better either...
Haiz...

I believe it is my fault for being...
An incompetence girlfriend...
A useless and hyper sensitive girlfriend...
A nonsense and unreasonable girlfriend...
A girlfriend that always go emo without a proper reason and end up making him worried or him emo...
Haiz...

But tell me...
Is it my fault for expecting that "something"?
Is it my fault for hoping an extra attention from him?
Haiz...