Yesterday...

It's like I missed the golden opportunity of my life...
Haiz... Errrggggghhhh... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah... It's all my fault...
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah... Geramnya saya!!! DX
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......
It's not gonna happened again... Haiz...
Why... Why... WHY?!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.... >_<

Ok... Here it goes...
Yesterday, OM was sick and he was absent...
So I planned to visit him...
I was thinking of taking a friend or two to go with me 'cause it is just too embarrassing for me to go alone...
But my friend said it would be even worse if they were to tag along with me...
And I was like, "yea, they are right"
So I even planned what to talk to him or what I should've done...
Haiz... This is where everything just backfired...
I bring Jasmine along... Well, at first she said she's going to accompany me to there and just left me there so that she can go to her friend house...
When we were half-way there, she said she couldn't continue her plan as her friend is not at home...
Well... I can't just said to her "could you please go home now..."
I mean that's cruel and cold...
So I asked her again, "do you really want to go to OM's house?"
And... She's like, "yea why not? We are already half-way there."
At first , I didn't mind as I need a friend to accompany me to there while I settle those uneasiness in me... Well I was nervous... I don't know about other people but I was freaking nervous...
Anyway, everything is still considered ok but I was pretty frustrated 'cause it didn't go well...
I was like standing there the whole time watching drama or something...
Haiz...
Well...
At least...
Hmm...
At least... I got to see him... I got to hear him... And I got to be close with him... In 1 metre... T^T
Huhu... I really feel like crying...
And you know what... I already expect that he won't be surprised but yesterday I was amazed how 'cool' (aka cold) he can really be...

Haiz... It's a golden opportunity 'cause I got to stay back for study group and I thought that there is still time left before it start so why don't I give him a surprise visit or something...
Well... The plan backfired... He's not surprise... At all... And... He's not even thankful...
I'm freaking pissed off... >.<
Pissed off about me... Me... Me... Me.... ME!
Haiz... Not gonna do that again...
I mean whatever I did, it doesn't really pay off...
I will be freaking nervous... Having butterfly in my stomach... Having sweats in my hand...
And... The response... Haiz... I don't expect he would be exaggerating... But... Come on... After all those courage... And... And... ... ...
Hmm... Whatever la...
'Cause whatever I crapped here won't change anything...

I even cry yesterday night thinking how stupid I am...
Haiz... My friends said I'm gonna get screwed if I continue like that...
And you know what... I cried because I started to think that I'm really getting those right now...
T^T
Haiz... I just want to end my miserable 18+ years of my life as single...
Haiz... I'm not as pretty as Alice or Jenn... I'm not as cute as Yumi... I'm not as attractive as Vinu... So what can I really do? Doing things that was rarely done by girls...
Stupid? Foolish? Hell yea I know...

Haiz... I'm soft-hearted as well... I was supposed to be angry but I end up couldn't because I like that person too much...
Same goes to when I was in love with Skeleton when my friends said he's repulsive...
And now when I'm not in love with him and started to think back what he had done... Yep I do agree with my friend... He was repulsive...
Haiz... Am I repeating the same mistake?
I don't know... Even if I am... I couldn't bring myself to do so...
Haiz... T_T
Why am I so miserable? Why am I such a pathetic person...?
What should I do... So that... He could give me a concrete answer...